Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this hospital has no fireball
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
