He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
