I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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