Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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