well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
