My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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