i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
