I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
