thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
