I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
