Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
