Is it because I queefed?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
