i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
