Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
