one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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