WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
