i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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