sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
