Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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