Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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