Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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