dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
