ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
