So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
