Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
