Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
