In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize