yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
