I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
