Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
