i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize