So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
