Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
