Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
