He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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