My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
