i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
