I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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