you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
