I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
