Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
