he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
