i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
