My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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