yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
