Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
