Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
