You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
