We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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