I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
