we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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