He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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