Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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