The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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