Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I could make wine with my vomit
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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