'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
