I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
