Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
