Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
