I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
