So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
