Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am spending my child support on dildos
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
