dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
