He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
