it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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