You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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