i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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