Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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