I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
