I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Omg I joined a choir last night...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
