Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
