I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
