How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
