i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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