Got a toothbrush?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize