We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sorry about my life...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
