Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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