I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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