Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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